Confessions

Hey, guys. You seem to all like my poetry, so here ya go:

Confessions:

When you look at me, what picture forms in your mind?
Is it one of hapiness, or one of fear?
If I'm really being honest, I'm not sure which one I'd rather show.
Do I let you see my hopes and ambitions?
Or do I hand you my secret fears, torn to shreds and covered in tears of long ago?
Which would you want...
The bubbly bright girl I usually am,
Or the demon who sometimes controls my very essence?
I'm not even sure that I /can/ show you.
After all I've lived through,
How could ANYONE possibly understand the fears I struggle with each day...
How could they see that even SPEAKING OUT ties my tongue and my heart in knots...
I'll never be the same person I was in my childhood...
At least...not until I finally break free of the chains that capture me so effortlessly.
For now, I'll always make sure that I don't seem vulnerable to people.
I'll still harden my heart, just to keep it from breaking.
I can only think of one person that I trust completely,
And only one other who has been told my story...
Surprisingly, she doesn't judge me. She doesn't try to patronize me like SO many have. She just...takes it as it is. She didn't ask me to tell her more, or threaten me.
I am...more than a little shocked by that.
Lately, I've been so worried about being judged, that instead of being open about things, I hide them away. I stumble over my words when I feel threatened or nervous...which is much more often than I'm proud of.
To my readers, I seem confident.
But secretly, I have my doubts, just like you all.
I'm not a perfect person, but...
I'm trying.
That counts for something, right?
I'm so, so glad that I have this..
My escape from the world.
I can speak my mind, without worrying about how I look to everyone.
Silly, I know.
I'm not good with talking to people about how I feel,
But here...it's easier.
When I can be seen, suddenly the words I want to say just flow from my fingers.
I'm invisible, yet bursting with color.
Thank you, for noticing me...
Even when I'm not actully there.

This has been on my mind for a while, but I just now got around to actually posting it. I just wanted to show that I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I hope this can help someone out. :)