My Life With Mental Illness (3, To Be Exact)

Hey guys! So I know I'm super out-of-date on my usual posting schedule! Eventually I want to make an OFFICIAL schedule, so that you know exactly when I'll be posting. Until then, I'm so sorry, but I guess you'll just have to keep in check. (Or, ya know, visit my Facebook page). So today, let me talk to you about...MENTAL ILLNESS. Not the most pleasing topic, I know. Don't worry; I promise I'm not gonna go on some boring rant. I'm just gonna tell you how it is for ME, and hopefully some of you can relate. To start with, let me tell you what all I've been diagnosed with. I have OCD, Tourettes, and ADHD. Let me go ahead and tell ya, this is NOT a fun combo; not at ALL. 
For those of you who don't know, here's a little info about each:

*Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).

*Gilles de la Tourette syndrome is a condition that causes a person to make repeated, quick movements or sounds that they cannot control. These movements or sounds are called tics. The condition is commonly called Tourette syndrome.

*Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a problem of not being able to focus, being overactive, not being able control behavior, or a combination of these. For these problems to be diagnosed as ADHD, they must be out of the normal range for a person's age and development.

Now that that's all sorted out, just know: it SUCKS. 

OCD makes me have to have all my stuff lined up just right, and also stacked with largest things on the bottom, and smallest things on top. I always have to fix my books and whatnot when I sit or go somewhere (even my backpack is arranged like this).Tourettes (as I call it) makes me not only do weird tics, I also MIMIC the movements/sounds of others. In other words, if you're the one jerk who constantly shakes your leg, fixes your hair, or makes repeated sounds: I hate you. =n= Not only do I do tics, my OCD makes me repeat them OVER and OVER again. It drives me insane! Last but not least, ADHD. My ADHD makes me talk a LOT, and it also makes me less focused in class. Not only that, but if you talk to me you'll see that I tend to change subject about every minute or so. I guess the main problem with having the Big 3 (what I  refer to them as), is that most medicines can't help.
When I was younger, we tried a TON of different medicines to try to help me. At one point I was taking somewhere around 10 different ones at a time. Basically, a medicine for ADHD makes me emotionless & zombie-like, whereas a medicine for OCD or Torettes does the opposite. I remember my first day of 4th grade (at a new school, to boot), they started me on a new medicine called Adderall. They told my mom that 'my appetite would me lower than usual'. Well forget that! Not only was I not the slightest bit hungry, I actually had to go sit in the bathroom for the whole lunch-time because the smell/sight of food made me nauseous. All during the day, I was shaking uncontrollably. I don't just mean a small twitch; my ENTIRE body was shaking frantically. The worst part? They wouldn't even let me call home. They could see how badly I was reacting, but they told me to wait it out. Needless to say, I had a pretty rough first day. The rest of the year, people thought I was a little insane. That's when I decided: I don't start new medicines during school; I don't take medicine unless I know EXACTLY what it does; I only take a couple different medicines at a time. My days of being over-medicated are OVER. Currently, the only medicine I take for my 'Mental Illnesses' is Clonidine. Thanks to my wonderful combo, I have HORRIBLE Insomnia. A lot of my friends think I'm just a night owl, but really I don't have much of a choice. Clonidine is a pill that helps me to go to sleep. About an hour after taking it, I'm tired and ready to go to bed. Before I started taking it, I would randomly wake up during the middle of the night; now I sleep great & I'm able to wake up for school. :) 
One of the big reasons I wrote this is so that you all learn one thing: If someone has a Mental Illness, or they have Tics like me, DON'T YOU DARE be mean to them. From experience, I know that they already have a pretty rough time; please please PLEASE don't make it worse. If you want to help, ask them what you can do. With me, I mostly just ask people to be patient with me. Yeah, sometimes my need to always even out my sandwich bites is annoying, but my friends accept it. They don't get mad when I stumble over my words, or when I just need my own space. (I forgot to mention: I'm also claustrophobic) So: Be kind, be loving, be supportive. :) As always, thanks for reading <3

Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful
Abigail Gurley <3
  

My Facebook Page

Hello all! I just realized that I haven't told any of you about my facebook page! I made it a few days ago. It's the OFFICIAL page for my blog. I'm planning to use it for keeping you all in touch with upcoming posts, & to even post some exclusive content!! Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/outcrowdlife !
Please please please, like it & share to your friends! I want to get my blog out there, so that I can reach even more people. I love the fact that I can help people through what I write, and I think that this page will really help me gain more readers. As always, I thank you so so so much for your love and support!
Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful!
Abigail Gurley <3

Reader Appreciation Letter!

Dear Reader,
     Holy crap I love you so much! Thank you for your support of me and my blog! I had no idea that so many people actually want to read what I write! That really gets me excited! In fact, sometimes I feel like /crap/, but then I log on and I see all these wonderful comments from you guys! It just...rocks my world, ok? You have no idea what you mean to me. I'm just so glad that you can read something from /me/ that inspires you to try new things. I may not be the 'coolest cat', but you guys still listen to me and get encouraged by my blog. That's...EPIC to say the least. I mean, I know I tell you this all the time, but I really mean it. My fellow Out-Crowders are one of the big highlights in my day.
     I can't even think of what to say now, other  than I LOVE YOU. I love everything about you, Reader. Your goofy laugh, your smile, your awkward selfie poses, /everything/. To me, your imperfections make you who you are. Sure, you may have scars, but scars tell the story of your struggles. A flawless person doesn't exist, so flaunt your mistakes. Just like I learned in Marching Band: If you mess up, own it. Don't pretend to be perfect, it's ok to have off moments.
     Well Reader, that's about all I can think of to say. Just remember, stay true to you! Flaunt what you have, and don't be afraid to stand out. I'll admit, I struggle with that. It's not easy, but it IS possible.


Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful
Abigail Gurley <3 :) <3

Rookie Camp, Great Books, and Confidence (It Makes Sense, I Swear!)

Hello! So, lately my life has been /very/ eventful! Not only was today the first day of Rookie Camp (Training for marching band), but I also just finished writing a book of poems for Lit class. It wasn't too bad, but I have to say that I /really/ hate being told what to write. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to express myself the way I really want to. I have to make the words follow a certain beat, I'm told whether or not they're supposed to rhyme, and I'm not even allowed to write about certain topics. Now, if you tell me to write you a story, I can do it, ok? If you hand me a promt and say 'write a story following this list of rules' I'm not going to write to the best of my ability. Enough of the rant. I don't want this to turn into a list of things that bug me. If you want to know certain things though, contact me! I'll answer just about anything!


In other news, I've started 3 (that's right, 3!) new book series! They're great, and I definitely recommend them! Here are the titles:


1.Glass House by Rachel Caine (The Morganvaille Vampires-Book 1) Trust me, it isn't cheesy like it sounds. It also isn't a romance novel. It's more of a mystery/sci-fi novel with a good amount of plot twists. Check it out!


2. Fallen by Lauren Kate (The Fallen Series-Book 1) Another great book! Kinda creepy-ish but also a bit of a love story. Pretty wicked, if I do say so myself.


3. The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles-Book 1) I'm on book 3 now, and I'm loving it! It's more of a middle-school aged book (technically), but I really like it! It follows 2 siblings along this journey with the Greek & Egyptian gods and goddess' and whatnot.


Anyhoo, I hope you guys enjoy them as much as I do! They may not be my top favorite authors, but they're definitely on the list. (And it's a pretty long & diverse list.)


Next topic: Confidence. I myself struggle with this, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Earlier I was watching the news and they did a study that says 50% of our confidence comes from our DNA, and the rest comes from re-wiring our brain to make more confident choices. Well, I think that's not entirely true. Sure, our genes play a part of it, but it also depends on the way you grew up & what happens during your life. Bullying victims have a very low confidence usually, no matter what genes they have. If we're all honest, rude comments hurt us. Just because someone doesn't show it, don't assume that it didn't bother them. Also, just because a person has a confident appearance, that doesn't mean that they don't have insecurities. I'm /certain/ that they do. Even the most popular girl has to worry about how she looks everyday. Sometimes, I'm happy that I'm not a 'popular' girl. If I was, I would have to spend every hour making sure that I wear the right clothes, say the right words, give off this flawless image, all while acting like it's easy. There are some girls in my classes that wake up an hour or more before me, just to get ready & fix their hair & make-up just right. If you asked them, I'm sure most of them would say that they would rather be late to school than show up not looking their best. I can imagine how they feel. If they don't look right, they'll get mocked. Sound familiar? Don't get me wrong, I don't care for most popular students (mostly because they bullied me), but I respect them. To get back on topic, don't let some silly study determine your confidence level. Be your own person, set your own goals, and climb your own mountain (no matter what size it is.) If your mountain is passing a test, go for it! If your mountain is becoming president, GO FOR IT! Don't be held back by a lack of confidence. Face your fears; it's the only way to get past them. Trust me, running only makes the next time worse.
That's all for now guys...
Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful
Abigail Gurley :)

Catching up (Again)

Hey! So a friend of mine brought to my attention the fact that I haven't written anything in quite some time! I just want to say I'm incredibly sorry! With eoct's right around the corner, I'm so busy with homework and church that I just keep putting it off! My sincerest of apologies goes out to all my faithful out-crowders!

So, I know it's a bit late, but: April Fool's!! I hope you guys had a great time pranking your friends!! My friend Bree made me a 'brown E'. She's such a dork!! Anyways, I had a generally good day. No screamers, fake ask-outs, or anything of the sort!! I hope you all faired as well as I did, if not better.

As another topic if interest, in my ,it class we are making poetry books! I get a chance to write my heart out & to share it with my class. I'll be sure to post them up here, so that you all can enjoy them too! I'm really happy about it! I have to write several different forms/styles, so you'll get to see some variety! ^_^

Ok. Time to get serious. Tonight at church, we talked about what we think our talents are. Not what OTHERS say they are, but what we PERSONALLY think. For me, I said blogging. People say I'm a great singer and whatnot, but...idk. I guess I'm just not as confident about myself as I should be. Not gonna lie, I usually don't expect to get ANY compliments, so random yet sweet ones really lift me up. I realized that I heavily rely on the compliments I get. I shouldn't, but if someone says I look sil,y or dumb in something, chances are I'll never wear it around them again. I'm working on it, sure, but after what I've been through it's difficult to say the least. Wish me luck, everyone. I really hope and pray that you all have a better life than I've had. Live to your fullest, do what YOU want to do, and don't let ANYONE (not even yourself) hold you back.

Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful
Abigail Gurley :)